Why not NOW?

In my last blog, I spoke about one of the reasons that we have such a hard time being present in the NOW.  In short, we cannot enter the NOW and must remain outside it, watching it, managing it, in order to protect our identity: how we will be seen as a result of our performance in the NOW.   There is another reason we cannot join the moment fully, cannot let go of the manager who is always making sure that the moment goes a particular way.   Oddly, the idea that I hear so often from clients is that if they were to BE in the moment, then that would mean that they would actually BE in their lives.  And when I ask what is wrong with that, they tell me that if they were to really BE living their lives then that would mean that they were also really going die someday.  It is as if by staying a step outside our lives, we imagine that we somehow control death.  In the full stream of the NOW, fully in sync with what is happening as it unfolding, we are in danger of death sneaking up and grabbing us, unexpectedly.  If, on the other hand, we are watching ourselves in the NOW, living from the sidelines, we will see death coming, be able to protect ourselves from it happening to the person who is living "as" us.  Narrating and controlling the NOW is an attempt to postpone our real life from happening, and thus ending!  Unfortunately, as we keep ourselves outside the direct experience of life, time passes at exactly the same rate.  Our body uses up its NOWs whether we choose to be present in them or not.  Nature is not interested in our availability to the moments it awards us.  Death is coming whether life is lived directly or from a seat on the bench.  What is different for those that refuse to join the NOW is not a staved-off death, but rather a staved-off life.  Death will arrive on schedule and unfold in the same manner as did their life: without them.

Stop the Train and Let Me Into My Life!

Stop the train, i want to get off!  This is the refrain I hear all day in my office.  The feeling is that life is whizzing by outside a window and needs to somehow stop so you can actually experience it.  What is the cause of this?  We are not experiencing our life because we are not in it.  We are not present as our life is happening.  Our attention to the individual moments of our life is what gives our life weight, and makes us feel that we are in the journey and not outside it.  Why is it so difficult for us to be in our life as it is happening? What makes the moment so threatening to enter?  The fact is, most people are not in the present moment but rather USING the moment to say something about who they are or are not.  The moment is an opportunity to demonstrate their identity, to correct an unfair judgment or strengthen a positive version of themselves.  When we have been judged by those who are supposed to support us, it is too dangerous to simply enter the moment, BE who we are without controlling what is seen.  We have lost the trust that whoever and however we show up spontaneously will be enough.  In order to keep our identity safe, we develop the defensive strategy of SHOWING who we are rather than BEING it.  The tragedy of this however is that we are always just a little bit outside our life, watching it speed by without us.  The truth is, life does not stop; we do, and we want to be in it before that happens.  What makes life slow down is our own presence within it, not as the puppeteer pulling strings from behind the glass, but from our attention planted right here, NOW.   To be in your life, YOU need to be in your life.  There is no way around it.  Your manager cannot fill in for you on this one.  We get off the train when we get into our life.  But is it safe?  It is true that when we allow ourselves to enter the moment without controlling it to say something about who we are, we take a chance.  We risk judgment.  We risk being misunderstood.   And yet, whatever story is written about us as a result of our BEING who we are, we will, at the very least, have gotten to live our life as it is happening.  BEING who we are means giving ourself the chance to experience life as opposed using our existence as a PR campaign with our self as the client.  It is a profoundly beneficial trade-off.  Indeed, the NOW (with us inside it) rather than speeding by, becomes eternal.  With our own presence, life slows down and grows rich and ripe with possibility.  So stop playing a part in your life and start living it directly.  Take a chance: fire your internal PR manager and simply BE who you are, right here, right now.